what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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