Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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