before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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