Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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