You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
