Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
