i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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