People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
