thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
