an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I party with great urgency now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
