Already got asked if we're dating
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
