I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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