Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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