I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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