i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
