just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
