and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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