They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
