apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
