Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
