Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
now i know why i became what i already was.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
