nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
