She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
