Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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