Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
