she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
