Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
