Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
