Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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