There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
