Can i not drive my cunt home
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
