ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
