So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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