i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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