I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
