He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
