What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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