just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
