I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
