Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
