this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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