it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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