so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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