I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
