omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
