What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Blood and glitter go together right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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