One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
