Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
