If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
