I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
